A week by Myself..

The husky voice of Adele fills the room, "never mind I'll find someone like you". I pause and look around. The sky looks lovely with clouds creating beautiful patterns reflecting the light of  the sun setting in the  west. A gentle gust of wind enters in. The apartment is not in its perfect shape since past few days as my mom and dad are out in the southern part of the country handing over the sole responsibility of  Flat #5B, Block B to me. And I have left no stones unturned personalizing it. The line of empty water bottle on the dresser, the used cups of coffee on the table.. The glasses, books, pillows, laptop, tangled cables of adapters, the empty packet of munchies all in perfect harmony on my bed. I ignore the disturbing vision of the pile of clothes on the chair , as if frowning at me, asking to be picked up.

 I get up to light the incense sticks. My mother has been reminding me everyday during her calls not to forget watering the Tulsi plant and light the incense sticks at the dawn and dusk(if I am at home). Well dawn for me has been postponed to around 11:30AM in the morning. Recently she had frowned at me seeing a bunch of coriander plants growing  from her priced Tulsi pot! Yes, I was curious to know whether the coriander seeds we get from the market do actually turn up into a herb.

But I was able to convince her with  "It must be the birds, maa!!", and she had replied "Oh, don't pluck them off then, it must be a sign". She often tells this dialogue, and as a child I used to believe it , wondering what these signs ever meant.

The incense sticks fills the rooms with its soothing scent which reminded me of her even more. I think whenever I will start a family of my own, wherever it may be,  I shall always light incense sticks to remind me of my roots.

 I look across the window and see a man, dressed in white, wearing a white skull cap entering the cemetry. He kneels down beside a grave. Somehow I am able to feel his pain of missing a loved one.

I call up my parents and end up answering my father whether I lock the doors properly and my daily diet to my mother, thanking almighty that I have my loved ones a phone call away atleast  and that they will be back in a few days.

The man is slowly walking away now, head bent.

Her City of Joy

It would be a busy day..hufff.. thought Naina. She checked the time restlessly, cursing the traffic and administration, shooing away the occasional knocks in the cab window by the traffic vendors and beggars.  She much reach office in time. Protests in the streets during office hours have worsened the condition. She is feeling uncomfortable in the Michelin jacket that she bought recently, fanning herself occasionally. She had obviously overestimated the winter in the city before buying it. She hastily reaches out to the calendar in her phone to check the schedules for the day. Suddenly something caught her attention and gave her a chill.

It was the date.  It has been four years now. She remembers how she used to plan for months ahead of this day then. The cake, the flowers, the food, the venue, the gifts, the guests.. all were done secretly and executed perfectly. She liked to see the astonished smile on his face which made her feel so very proud of herself.

She remembered the times when she dated him. The hopping around the city bunking college, tea from the road side tea shops, the auto rides, the travelling in tram to un-decided destinations. She liked the freedom and the adventure by simple bunking classes .  She was introduced to the city holding his hands. The Victorian book stores, coffee houses, the places of historical significance, Esplanade, Gariahat, Eden gardens, the metro , Nandan.. the crowded central and north Kolkata, the taxis, the “aste ladies”..the typical bengali accent, the adreesing strangers as "Dada and Didi"s. She used to be so anxious seeing the unknown faces around at first, the crowd she was not used to seeing. Being born and brought up in a small town, where everyone knew each other, she took almost a year to become acquainted with the city and to fall in love with it later.

The traffic has started moving. She looked around. The same streets where she used to walk holding his hands seemed unfamiliar now with the newly constructed flyovers all over, multi-storeys and shopping malls popping up here and there. She has grown up so much as a person since then along with the city. She is no longer her timid, innocent self. There was something in the city which made her stay back. It has a soul of its own. Always happy, always moving, always friendly. She felt warm walking in the same streets alone. She never ever felt the city was mocking at her. The unfamiliar faces around didn’t seem so unfamiliar now.

The city puzzled her as a newcomer but later it aroused a feeling of nostalgia while she was away. May be that is why it was once named “The City of Joy”, the city which she proudly call hers home now.

 

demoralized, dejected, depressed

Note: The below few lines would be very depressing, and full on nonsense rants. If you are here to read something nice, humorous and happy, please move on to my other posts. I had to write it.

Felling totally demoralized, dejected, depressed today after long. All the things that I have planned for myself have gone wrong. Yes, I admit there were surprises too,  I definitely cherish them, but what about all the things that I wanted? No I am not cribbing or being too demanding from life, but at least 1 out of 10 could come true? Is it too much of a wish?

Life had never been as uncertain as now…6 years back..or even 3 years back. I am feeling as if I am wandering aimlessly in a dark room trying to find  the door. The door of my salvation. I am missing the guiding light, the mentor. No I do not believe in God anymore. I have lost the faith in Religion. What is it? A couple of rituals to fool people? Who is God? I believed in the Gods that my parents followed, my religion by birth, imitated my mother in all the rituals then finally realized that everything that is happening around me is just mere co-incidence that is destined by fate.

Whenever I close my eyes, trying to find peace, I see complete darkness. I often see a dream, that I am walking through a cemetery full of white tombs and wake up in the middle of the night.

Is it the absence of love that has caused it? I guess not. I am pretty much sure of it. I don’t miss my lost love. I think I want a mentor, not a lover. A guiding light, not a romantic illusion.

Yes I am waiting, but the uncertainty is making me restless and at times I feel lost.

Suddenly life seems too long to live.. 

I Wish...

·         The dove doesn’t fly away from my window…every morning when I part my curtains..

·         I could choose my dreams every night while going to sleep..

·         Smileys could talk…

·         Ears had shutters just like eyes..

·         Me and mom had the consent while choosing anything.. I just don’t seem to inherit any of her genes..

·         All my favorite foods were less in calories..

·         My gym instructor would let me choose the exercises..

·         People stop asking me when I am getting married.. :P

·         Getting married meant more of being with your soul mate 24X7 than just a mere social status..

·         I had met Paulo Coelho in his 40s..

·         I find someone with similar imperfection, fantasies and madness.. ;)

·         At least some of my wishes would come true someday..

 

TRY BEFORE YOU BUY

I have had a self realization lately.

Finding a life partner from one of those matrimonial sites is so similar to buying clothes and shoes online. You can instantly fall in love with the latest animal print top displayed in the first page (who says love can’t be at the first sight), sincerely wish that you could at least try it out…see the top displayed from all the different angles available (for days sometimes ) ..zoom it at times to check out the details…imagine yourself wearing the same top…..check out if its available of your size….log off…dream that you are wearing it…come back the next day to see if your size is still in stock…zoom again…and after this procedure is repeated for days…and you have finally decided to buy it..you find it out of stock!!  

Oh poor you!! Atleast you can add it to your wishlist. The matrimonial sites donot have a “add to your wishlist” option though. I wonder what would it be like. :D :D

And sometimes you really don’t find anything worth a second look you kind of pity the stocks that are available..

But then at last if you are lucky and you are pretty confident that you made the right choice....and proceed to  pay.. before clicking the “pay” button you usually take a deep breath because you are not sure of what will arrive at your doorstep in spite of the hours or days spend in admiring the thing.

Atleast  they have the 30days money back warranty.. :P :P

I have never got bored looking for clothes and shoes online…. But after spending about a year now looking for …err…ahem…men……yawwwnnnn!!

Welcome 2013!!

In the blink of an eye we all shall be in 2013! A year that sped so fast, leaving trails of memories behind. Some will fade away with time, some will moving along with us as we move on. 

As I look back and start counting the personal losses and gains, I realize that 2012 had been the most unexpected and memorable year for me. It has managed to transform me into a completely different and new wiser me. A year full of self realizations, misunderstandings, highs and lows, growing expectations and broken hearts, meeting new people and people fading away from the list of social networking sites.  

In spite of all the uncertainties and loosing hopes 2012 has managed to surprise me towards the end and making me hope full and eager as before for 2013. 

So as I look forward to 2013 and un-wrap all the surprises that it has in its fold, I take this chance to wish all of you a very very happy new year 2013. Wish you all good health and luck in the coming year!

 

Cheers!!!

Trijeeta.

Confessions of a Facebookaholic

Facebook is the last thing I check before closing my eyes for a sound sleep... (the second last being Gmail ) and the first thing after I open my eyes. Sometimes I even find the Facebook app in my mobile open when I get up. I know you are not very surprised. I am very confident 90% of people reading this will have the same story to tell.

This e-existence of mine was simply unthinkable 7years before but for now it is most of me. Where on earth do you think you can get updated with the places your people around you have gone to honeymoon..or what jewelery people have worn in their weddings or where did the person you last met in school is going for a holiday…right from a boring meeting in office??..Or the inside scoop of a controversial engagement…the first look of your best friend’s car…or the dinner your neighbor prepared.. while travelling in a bus! Stalk the person you secretly have a crush upon…like every silly update posted by him/her.. I do it all. Right from the current affairs to Indian politics..to the presidential elections in US..to jokes…to quotes.. to whether Shiela is hotter than Munni… to the random shares of divine deities you get it all in the single tap of your smartphone. Isn’t it awesome?

Managing the Facebook profile updates can also be nerve cracking at times. As you all have realized by now likes and comments are your only popularity meter… :P  I sometimes even like my own random posts.. its nothing but an utter display of self confidence (few are smart enough to understand the underlying sarcasm). Once I even went to the extent of calling one friend of mine asking him to like a silly post of mine to save my post from just 1 like which was mine. Now you guess how nerve cracking it can be… phew!! Oh yes…profile pictures.. I change them occasionally just when I think I have stopped getting the required likes and comments.. :P Its like my monthly visit to the hair dresser. Its always smart to be prepared for people stalking my profile. And if you think any of your favorite picture has not got the enough popularity as it deserved…fear not! You can always recycle your old profile pics to the current one to alert people to like them in case they haven’t. :D :D

Whenever I visit to party/wedding/picnics, I often hear people around me saying things like: “wow this picture is so nice…it would put it up as my profile picture”…

I also have helped innumerable charitable causes by sharing random posts of sick babies (never ever bothered to find out if the share was genuine)…have slammed rapists…raised my voice for a cause…liked a photo-shopped picture of a God and get disappointed as nothing happened in the next ten minutes as was promised. Yes you get it right, all on Facebook!

The instant sight of the red notifications on the top right corner instantly uplifts my mood for a second and sometimes continues just like talking a guilt-free bite into dark chocolate. Hence my love for Facebook continues and if you ever hear people talking about calling me Facebook-addict or about me paying too much attention to the online page and drifting away from the grounded reality…just remember…being popular is not that easy…..hufff!!!

PS: I even had to add the word “Facebook” to the disctionary of MS-WORD to ease myself writing this blog post.