Note: The below few lines would be very depressing, and full
on nonsense rants. If you are here to read something nice, humorous and happy,
please move on to my other posts. I had to write it.
Felling totally demoralized, dejected, depressed today after
long. All the things that I have planned for myself have gone wrong. Yes, I admit
there were surprises too, I definitely
cherish them, but what about all the things that I wanted? No I am not cribbing
or being too demanding from life, but at least 1 out of 10 could come true? Is it
too much of a wish?
Life had never been as uncertain as now…6 years back..or even
3 years back. I am feeling as if I am wandering aimlessly in a dark room trying
to find the door. The door of my
salvation. I am missing the guiding light, the mentor. No I do not believe in
God anymore. I have lost the faith in Religion. What is it? A couple of rituals
to fool people? Who is God? I believed in the Gods that my parents followed, my
religion by birth, imitated my mother in all the rituals then finally realized that
everything that is happening around me is just mere co-incidence that is
destined by fate.
Whenever I close my eyes, trying to find peace, I see
complete darkness. I often see a dream, that I am walking through a cemetery full
of white tombs and wake up in the middle of the night.
Is it the absence of love that has caused it? I guess not. I
am pretty much sure of it. I don’t miss my lost love. I think I want a mentor,
not a lover. A guiding light, not a romantic illusion.
Yes I am waiting, but the uncertainty is making me
restless and at times I feel lost.
Suddenly life seems too long to live..
