demoralized, dejected, depressed

Note: The below few lines would be very depressing, and full on nonsense rants. If you are here to read something nice, humorous and happy, please move on to my other posts. I had to write it.

Felling totally demoralized, dejected, depressed today after long. All the things that I have planned for myself have gone wrong. Yes, I admit there were surprises too,  I definitely cherish them, but what about all the things that I wanted? No I am not cribbing or being too demanding from life, but at least 1 out of 10 could come true? Is it too much of a wish?

Life had never been as uncertain as now…6 years back..or even 3 years back. I am feeling as if I am wandering aimlessly in a dark room trying to find  the door. The door of my salvation. I am missing the guiding light, the mentor. No I do not believe in God anymore. I have lost the faith in Religion. What is it? A couple of rituals to fool people? Who is God? I believed in the Gods that my parents followed, my religion by birth, imitated my mother in all the rituals then finally realized that everything that is happening around me is just mere co-incidence that is destined by fate.

Whenever I close my eyes, trying to find peace, I see complete darkness. I often see a dream, that I am walking through a cemetery full of white tombs and wake up in the middle of the night.

Is it the absence of love that has caused it? I guess not. I am pretty much sure of it. I don’t miss my lost love. I think I want a mentor, not a lover. A guiding light, not a romantic illusion.

Yes I am waiting, but the uncertainty is making me restless and at times I feel lost.

Suddenly life seems too long to live.. 

I Wish...

·         The dove doesn’t fly away from my window…every morning when I part my curtains..

·         I could choose my dreams every night while going to sleep..

·         Smileys could talk…

·         Ears had shutters just like eyes..

·         Me and mom had the consent while choosing anything.. I just don’t seem to inherit any of her genes..

·         All my favorite foods were less in calories..

·         My gym instructor would let me choose the exercises..

·         People stop asking me when I am getting married.. :P

·         Getting married meant more of being with your soul mate 24X7 than just a mere social status..

·         I had met Paulo Coelho in his 40s..

·         I find someone with similar imperfection, fantasies and madness.. ;)

·         At least some of my wishes would come true someday..

 

TRY BEFORE YOU BUY

I have had a self realization lately.

Finding a life partner from one of those matrimonial sites is so similar to buying clothes and shoes online. You can instantly fall in love with the latest animal print top displayed in the first page (who says love can’t be at the first sight), sincerely wish that you could at least try it out…see the top displayed from all the different angles available (for days sometimes ) ..zoom it at times to check out the details…imagine yourself wearing the same top…..check out if its available of your size….log off…dream that you are wearing it…come back the next day to see if your size is still in stock…zoom again…and after this procedure is repeated for days…and you have finally decided to buy it..you find it out of stock!!  

Oh poor you!! Atleast you can add it to your wishlist. The matrimonial sites donot have a “add to your wishlist” option though. I wonder what would it be like. :D :D

And sometimes you really don’t find anything worth a second look you kind of pity the stocks that are available..

But then at last if you are lucky and you are pretty confident that you made the right choice....and proceed to  pay.. before clicking the “pay” button you usually take a deep breath because you are not sure of what will arrive at your doorstep in spite of the hours or days spend in admiring the thing.

Atleast  they have the 30days money back warranty.. :P :P

I have never got bored looking for clothes and shoes online…. But after spending about a year now looking for …err…ahem…men……yawwwnnnn!!